My computer is about 5 years old. I have the same screen, mouse, and keyboard. I am used to how the arrows keys seem to stick a little when I push them down. I am used to the dirt that seems permanently stuck in between each key. I am used to the fact that the trackball on my mouse no longer works. I am used to the fact that my mouse pointer frequently “disappears” on my screen. Not to mention the vertical lines that are randomly spaced on my screen. I am used to it because this is normal. And normal can be comforting, no matter how bad normal is for me. Because it’s what I am used to. It’s comfortable. Sometimes I don’t even see the lines when I’m watching something on the computer.
I really can’t do anything about my faulty equipment because of our faulty financial situation. Replacing computer parts is expensive (especially because I have a Mac). Even a new mouse cost $50, which is a huge sum in this house. That’s equal to a tank of gas, or a few groceries. So, I tell myself it’s not a big deal. I do my best to ignore the faults. I pretend they aren’t there.
My room is pretty crowded what with rather large primates and pachyderms hanging about, making themselves comfortable on my furniture.
I do the same with my emotions. I get comfortable with my little faults. I tell myself that a little selfishness is okay. An outburst of anger towards my husband may be wrong, but’s it the way I am (right?). My seemingly impossible-to-eradicate depression can’t be stopped or changed. Somehow my personality quirks are comforting, even if they are wrong. The chambers of my heart and mind can be pretty crowded too.
When it comes to our little faults, we decide that there is nothing we can do about these things, so we get comfortable with them. We invite them over for tea. We snuggle up on the couch with our little faults and watch a good movie. We share our favorite snacks.
But, being comfortable with the little faulty things in our lives just leads to us becoming like a fat cat…lazy. We never work at changing our thoughts and behaviors. We let the dust collect on the rather large animals taking up space without ever questioning why they are there in the first place.
The opposite of this is (you know I just had to say it) deciding that things are going to be different. Making a choice for change. Believing that living a half-life is not worth the comfort that familiarity brings. We have to kick that gorilla and elephant out and lock the doors of our minds and hearts. We have to decide we want to live a different life. We have to decide that life is worth living to it’s fullest.
So, make that first step. Take inventory of yourself. Be honest. Embrace change.
So tell me, have you ever seen an 800 lb. gorilla?