Tag Archives: brain

This brain runs on squirrel power, and other tales of ADHD.

My Brain.

My Brain.

Aw, darn! I forgot the nuts! Again!

What happened when I got to the “social gathering”:

Yup.  My brain runs on squirrel power.  Tiny little rodents are all skittering around in there trying remember to find the nuts.

Or, maybe I’m nuts.

Or, whatever.

Anyway, this is  my brain on ADHD.  Here’s a few other things I have to deal with:

  • Constantly being distracted by people entering/leaving a room
  • Having to ask people to repeat themselves multiple times
  • Forgetting appointments
  • Forgetting to call people
  • Forgetting to do stuff
  • Forgetting in general
  • Cleaning in circles and in multiple rooms at once
  • Reading the same page over and over and just not getting it
  • Taking twice as long to write a paper (or a blog for that matter) than anyone else.
  • Wandering thoughts
  • I put things away in a safe place, and then completely forget where the safe place is.
  • Showing up too early or too late for something
  • Not showing up at all
  • Being really, really bad at math (Maybe that’s not ADHD)
  • Can’t count past 10 without forgetting where I was and  having to start all over again…multiple times

I think you get the picture.

Anybody in their right mind would go nuts.  So what’s a poor girl to do?  I’m not medicated so I have to find ways to overcome these difficulties.  I have to find ways to cope so that I don’t look a total moron or a ditz.  And forget about trying to explain this other people or help them understand.  I have gotten over the first step of admitting there is a problem.  So, I’m okay there.  It took awhile, a lot of trial and error but I found ways around some of the problems that ADHD give me.  Here are some of the things I do:

  • Make lists.  Sometimes I make lists of lists.  Writing it down gets it out of my head.
  • I watch movies and TV shows on my computer when I’m writing.  Documentaries are especially helpful.  Instrumental music works for when I’m reading.
  • I put appointments in my iPhone as soon as they are made with at least 2 alerts.
  • I make schedules with cross off lists.
  • I use sticky notes.  Lots of sticky notes.
  • I just let myself clean in circles.  It works for me.
  • I keep reminding myself that I need to pay attention when it’s crucial to my task.
  • I give  myself small “brain breaks” for about 5 minutes every 20 minus.  I play a game or look at Facebook, or some other small thing.
  • I do certain things the same exact way every time whether needs it or not, such as locking the car door.

The point is, these strategies work for me.  They (read: mostly) get the job done.  I’m still  not perfect at this, but I function fairly well if I stick to my guidelines and boundaries.  

The point is, if you want to overcome something like ADHD, you got to first admit that there is a problem.  You also need to do research to understand the problem’s in and outs.  Then you got to find what works for you.  There is always a way around, under, through, or over a problem.

If I can do it, you can do it too…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So tell me, are squirrelly in the brain?

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Down in the valley so low. Up on the mountain so high. And tighten up that brain, why don’chya’?

Moments of clarity can be blindingly brilliant.  Bringing light into the dark places, reveals the what’s been hiding in the dark.  Which makes these moments of clarity something to fear.  When there is no light, no one can see the mayhem that the darkness brings.  Who wants to see the mess they have made of themselves, right?

I feel so low right now.  All I know right now is feelings of defeat, despair, self-loathing, and anger at my stupidity.  And, I really have no idea why.

Paradoxically, I feel like Noah’s dove bringing back the olive branch that I found on tree that is high up on a mountain top, free of the floodwaters.  Free to go off and do what I was meant to do in the places I am meant to do them.

Such a strange place to be, both high and low altogether.

As I was sitting and pondering all of this my brain was listening to the movie playing in the living room, Spy Kids.  This is not a deep or profound movie.  But the moment that I tuned into the dialogue the father spy, Gregorio, was explaining some research he had been involved in to his wife spy in a flashback.  The research was for developing artificial intelligence and was called the Third Brain.  While the various researchers are busily working on their versions of the “Third Brain”, the spy in charge of the project walks by one of the researchers, pats him on the back and says something like, “Why don’t you tighten up that brain.”

Hearing this gave me pause.  It’s as if God is challenging me to “tighten up” my brain.  God, in His grace and wisdom, teaches us in our infancy how to live our lives according to His rules.  The bible says that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle.  I take that to mean that God expects me to be able to stand on my own two feet and walk out this salvation of mine.  Especially since His strength is flowing through my veins.  Which means that I have the power to speak His light into the dark places in my soul.  When I get to the realization that I need to tighten up my brain I usually go here:

Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
day and night, while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”

My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Which generally leads me to repentance of my attitude.

Repentance is a funny thing.  Imagine that you are standing in the darkest of caves.  The master of the  light has given you a torch and a match, of which you light.  And there you are, crouching amongst the bones and debris of your sin, filthy and in tattered rags, hair matted against your head.  You are both crouching in fear of the light, and the light-bearer.  You need to coax yourself out of the corner and gently reveal the need to say to the source of the light, “I am sorry I fled from your light.  I don’t want this cave of darkness anymore.”  Repentance seems so simple, but it is so hard to do.  Yet, the reward is worth the price.  As soon as you turn to the light-giver, He breathes life into the dark place and blows away the filth and yuck from every corner and every crevice so that the cave has no remnant of the sin it bore.  And you look as if you have been undergoing the year-long beauty treatments that Esther underwent so she would look her best when she met the king.

Lord, please forgive my unbelieving attitude.

It is now time to tighten up my brain and say to myself “Why are you downcast, oh  my soul?  Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”  Amen.

Do you have anything to repent of today?