Tag Archives: help

I need your help putting batteries in my flashlight

I sincerely need your help.

I have mentioned before that my aim in having this blog is to help others overcome emotional difficulties.  To realize that they have a choice.  Because a lot of people just don’t seem to know this.  So, I have been here as often as I can get here and I write about that.  So far it’s been good for me.  Occasionally, I hear from someone (sometimes on Facebook, sometimes in person) that they like what I have to say, so for some, it’s good for them.  If there are more of you out there, I’m not sure who you are, and that’s okay.

I am generally inspired by something I read, or something I heard, or something I thought.  And, while I am sure that the topics I write about are good, in general (or maybe just good for me) I want to write about things that touch your heart.  Because I don’t want this blog to be just about me.  I mostly want it to be about you.  I want to help you see things from a new perspective.  I want to help you onto your new life.  I want to be your cheerleader.  I want to support your efforts.    I want to shine light in the dark places of your mind and gently coax you into newness, wholeness, healing.  In  other words, I want to write about the things you are interested in reading.

So I put it to you: What is it you would like most to hear from me?  What stirs your heart? What kind of kick in the pants do you need to get going?

If you scroll down a little, you will find a comments section.  You can leave a comment there with your name, or without your name, it’s your choice.  Or, you can comment on Facebook if you like.  But, let me know what’s on your mind…

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And now…a little bit about me

Everything is a process.  I am still in the process of overcoming a multitude of sins on my part and my parents part.  It is really difficult to say out loud things that might hurt other people.  So, I sit here and struggle with how much to say, and how much to reveal about myself this early in the game.  Sometimes, I even doubt myself, my story.

And then…

…well, I look back at all of the work that God has accomplished in me.  I look back at who I used to be and who I am now.  I see the differences in my personality, my thought patterns, and my way of relating to others.  And I ask myself, how can my story NOT be real?  How can I NOT share the things that MIGHT hurt other people?

I need to share for your benefit, and for mine.

I was born in 1970 to two hurting people.  My mother gave birth to me carrying her own issues.  Some of those issue were passed on.  Some of which she continued to act out for the rest of her life which ended in an accidental overdose in her early 50s.  My father I know less about, he is more of an enigma.  My parents divorced when I was about 6.  My mother remarried when I was about 9.  I really liked my stepfather, and I’m pretty sure he liked me.  I grew up confused and full of self-doubt.  My mother did a pretty good job of contributing to these two elements.  By the time I graduated from high school I really had no clue who I was, what I wanted from life, or anything else for that matter.  I sunk into my first deep depression with a touch of dissociation.  I spent the whole summer after graduating depressed, and conflicted.

I eventually got a job and met my first husband through a mutual friend.  My mother and I got into an argument, she tried to hit  me, so I left home suddenly at age 19 and moved in with my boyfriend.  Unbeknownst to  me, I was pregnant with my first son at the time.  Not long after this sudden change in my universe, I started to experience flashbacks.  I would get “stuck” in a frame of mind that was both completely foreign and completely familiar.  I had no clue what was going on.

Fortunately, I started into counseling right away.  I have been at it for 22 years.   With the help of God, and other people, I have changed.  I have been through many different kinds of counseling, individual psychotherapy, group counseling, inner  healing, deliverances, to name a few.  As a matter of fact,  I just finished yet another turn at counseling with a wonderful person.

My life has been an uphill battle.  I have struggled with Dissociative Identity Disorder (a total of 7 personalities of which are now fully integrated), sugar addiction, self-doubt, low self-esteem, flashbacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, clinical depression,  ADHD, and few other things.

I have been on Prozac, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan, and a couple of other medications I can’t remember over the years.  All helpful and useful tools for helping me with my struggle to overcome.

Right now I am not on any meds and am not in counseling.  I feel pretty good,  most of the time.  I still struggle madly with anxiety and depression at times, but God and therapy gets me through.

I am almost done my Bachelor’s program in psychology and will be moving into a Master’s program for counseling at a local university.  The goal is to professionally help others the way I have been helped.  I now know that I was born with a gift of counseling and teaching.  I must be what I was meant to be.

Annnnnd, I think I will stop here for now.  I will reveal more information about myself as time goes on, especially as they pertain to what I am talking about.

Thanks for reading!

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Tell me your thoughts…

Eyes- Day 7 of the Just Write! campaign

If  you have been following this at all, you know the drill about what I am doing.  If not, click here.

I  skipped day 6 last Thursday because I was in the hospital with a kidney stone.  I actually missed not writing Thursday (despite the tremendous physical pain) and not writing the 5mf on Friday.  I am taking that as a good sign.

So today’s word is Eyes.

Eyes

Your eyes see me and all that I am.

You are not satisfied to let me stay where I am.

Your eyes look at your creation and say “It is good”.

But, you are not satisfied to leave things tarnished and undone.

Your eyes see my hidden and dark places despite my efforts to hide and shelter my pain.

You are not satisfied to let the darkness rule  my being.

Your eyes see the potential I have despite the sin in my life.

And you are not satisfied to let me leave  my gifts on the floor untouched.

Your eyes see my beginning and my end.

Your are satisfied to water, nurture, and give sunlight to the time in the middle.

You are satisfied to make me a priority and to help me flourish.

You are satisfied to help me be more like Jesus more and more everyday.

Because your eyes see me and all that I am.

Walled In

At the beginning of the movie Labyrinth the main character, Sarah, has to rescue her baby brother from the Goblin King lest the baby be turned into a goblin.  In order to rescue her brother she has to successfully navigate a very complicated, confusing, ever-changing maze.  At her first encounter with the maze, both directions seemed to have no end.  As she walked and walked, the maze kept going and going.  She had to yield to the fact that she could not figure the maze out on her own.  In short, she needed help.

Life is like that maze.  Wrong turns, confusing passages, trickery, and dead ends.  Out of all of the things that can happen in life, dead ends are the hardest to do anything about.  When I reach a dead end, there is no where to go.  I suppose I could go backward, but what would that get me?  I can’t go forward because the wall is too high to scale and too thick to get through.  I could just camp out there waiting for the wall to crumble on it’s own.

I’m sorry, but those situations just aren’t what I want.  I want to move forward, but I can’t do that on my own.  I need someone to come along and destroy this wall so I can move on.  During a recent bible study with my life group, we were discussing Colossians 3:1-17.  We were talking about how to deal with sin in our lives, how to live life according to God’s plan.  I got an image of a walled-in maze.  God made it clear that in order to move forward, the wall needed to be destroyed.  And, He was the only on that could do anything about that wall.

Lord, I pray that you would destroy the wall in front of me.  Please, BLOW IT UP!  Amen.

Are you facing a wall right now that you need God to destroy?