The Tower of Babel
1 At one time all the people of the world spoke the same language and used the same words. 2 As the people migrated to the east, they found a plain in the land of Babylonia and settled there.
3 They began saying to each other, “Let’s make bricks and harden them with fire.” (In this region bricks were used instead of stone, and tar was used for mortar.) 4 Then they said, “Come, let’s build a great city for ourselves with a tower that reaches into the sky. This will make us famous and keep us from being scattered all over the world.”
5 But the Lord came down to look at the city and the tower the people were building. 6 “Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! 7Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.”
8 In that way, the Lord scattered them all over the world, and they stopped building the city. 9 That is why the city was called Babel, because that is where the Lord confused the people with different languages. In this way he scattered them all over the world.
I wanted to write some prosy thing about this process, but I just don’t have it in me. Instead, I am going to share the email I sent to someone who is sort of counseling me at the moment. Here goes:
Phew. This has been a tough week. Still reeling from the smashed tower and wondering what to do next, the day after the last image I sent you (which would have been Wednesday) I sat down again and asked the Lord to revel himself to me. This is what I got:
Part 1- No other Gods before me.
The scripture is Exodus 20:2-17. The purple squiggly on top is Sovereign God. The bottom left hand corner spiral is the Holy Spirit. As the colors spiral inward the Holy Spirit is infusing himself with me. I am in the center in the red. I am not sure if the red represents anger/rage, or my heart, maybe both. If you notice the majority of the spiral is in blue and moves to purple then to red. All of the words of the scripture are moving inward from the HS into the center. I felt that God was making clear that I am putting something before him. But I really did not want to know what.
Part 2- Ouch! That hurts!
I met with someone I look up to on Thursday because I wanted to express some hurt and anger about some things that had happened. I had something I was holding onto for the past 5 years that was still hurting me. I wanted to be able to let go, but God wasn’t letting me let go. So, I finally (after much goading from a friend) met with this person. She told me she thought I had an attitude problem, an anger problem, and she I was held back from going forward in leadership because of this. She said that I can have my opinions, and even feel anger, but she said that I am not very honoring in my approach to expressing my anger. This, of course, hurt me and my ego. I also felt frustrated because I only really feel anger is when I feel an injustice has been served to me. For a couple of days I felt distraught, anger, frustration, and more anger. And I really did not want to ask God about this because I was sure I wasn’t going to like what I heard.
Part 3- The dream
Right before I woke up Saturday morning I had a most vivid dream. Usually there are 3 signs that the dream was from God: 1. It was vivid, 2. It stays with me all day, 3. I can still remember it the next day. Here is how the dream went: My husband was carrying our child because I could not after a certain part of the pregnancy. We were in a hotel room that was more like an apartment. It was time to deliver the baby, but it had to be done by c-section and I was the only one there to do the procedure. I felt a little panicked, rushed, but confident that I could handle a dangerous procedure on my own. I was rushing around to get the room ready putting out towels to soak the inevitable flow of blood and for the baby. I was also changing my clothes into something more appropriate for handling surgery. As I was removing my stockings, my husband said that he was waiting for someone to arrive. He had called on another nurse, someone more qualified to handle the surgery. I was very upset with him and threw a little temper tantrum. I said, “I can’t believe you called someone else!!” He said that someone who was qualified for this needed to be there to handle “multiple points of infection”. I immediately awoke from this dream in a panic. I knew almost immediately this was from God.
Part 4- The Revelation
Yesterday, I sat down and wrote out some thoughts I was having because I felt like the faith issue that you talked with me about, and the anger issue were related. The dream was key to making that connection, but I still didn’t know why. And, I was feeling angry with God. So I wrote out a few things that I was feeling including the dream. The first question I posed to myself was “What are the correlations?” between the anger issue and the faith issue. Then I wrote out the possibilities which are:
- I feel angry that I cannot just “handle” things myself.
- God is saying he is “qualified” to handle things, and I am not.
- I feel angry at injustices
- Sometimes the lack of blessing feels like an injustice, especially when I feel that I have done what is required of me.
- I feel angry at God.
- I feel mistrustful of others.
- I feel misunderstood.
- What is the root of this?
- I have an “I can (and now I think “must” is part of this) take care of myself” attitude. That doesn’t jive with God. I feel I have, and continue to be, treated unfairly, and unjustly by others.
- Am I my own God (in this area)?
Then I wrote: Why do I care about injustice and fairness towards myself? To the point of expressing anger? Why do I feel God has treated my unjustly? I feel I don’t deserve what has happened to me and angry at God for not stopping it. Which is ridiculous since a deep understanding of pain makes me more sympathetic (and empathetic) toward others pain. I believe this but find it difficult to accept. Is this where “be the exclamation point, not the question mark” comes in?
So, yesterday afternoon, I sat down with my sister and we talked about why we want so badly to be heard. We agreed it was because we weren’t heard as children, or as adults in our younger years. I am driven to keep making my point until I feel I have been heard, which leads others to believe that I am trying to “get my way”, which is not my usual intention. Then I began to wonder if, as Christians, we have a “right’ to be heard. Meaning: Do others really need to hear my thoughts and opinions? My sister felt that in some situations it was important to be understood. But, perhaps in most situations it was not so important to be heard by others. Then she came up with this scripture, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouth, but only what is good for giving necessary teaching, and for grace to those who give ear.” Ephesians 4:29. Then I found the rest of that chapter “And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:30, 31.
Part 5- The Conclusion
Obviously, I need to rely solely on the Holy Spirit to guide my words when I feel strongly about something, which, somewhere deep inside of me, makes me unhappy. So I am coming to grips the full meaning of this revelation. I expect that I will be fully on board with this soon enough. So here is my conclusions on this matter:
- It takes faith to trust that God is fully capable of handling whatever comes my way.
- I need to rely on Him for revelation on how to handle a situation
- I am not God in my life. Only He must be.
- My words must be tempered with love, honoring, cherishing, encouraging, full of grace.
- Since I am woman of strong opinion and passion, I must go to Him EVERY SINGLE TIME I have a struggle to temper my reactions before I speak or do anything.
So there you have it. Like I said: Phew!